sick and tired, but still moving forward

(this is my awesome small group! such a great bunch)

As I lay on my bed, trying to get over this cold, I think about where I have just come from and where I am going. I've just come out of a great, yet challenging session at LIT. The session began with me not feeling like I had the drive or passion to give my all for the program. It took a lot of surrender for me to fully allow myself to be used at camp and in the LITs lives, but I got over it. And once I did, the relationships that I was able to develop with some of my LITs was awesome. I'm so excited to see what God will do in their lives if they are simply willing to offer their lives over to Him. Though these were really good relationships and that there were really fruitful conversations that took place, it was very very draining. I really felt like I actually gave all that was within me to these LITs. While I was in the moment, I questioned God if my efforts were worth it or if there was even any point, but I kept on going, and in the end, I think that it was all worth it.

So I ended a session at LIT feeling drained, yet encouraged, but now I enter a new session and a new role. Once again, I find my self seeking for a passion to drive me forward as I continue to serve here at camp, specifically as I now enter a new position which is completely different than what I have done at camp previously. It does not help that I am sick entering into this new session, but I also am finding that I don't have the energy or desire to put the effort into developing new relationships with a new staff and new LITs. I know that this will pass, but it is just easier to hang out with those you have an existing relationship with.

At any rate, I continue on because I know that the ministry of LIT is vitally important to these teens lives. It is not by my own strength that I continue on, because really I have none left, but it is by the Lord's strength that I am able to continue on and serve. It's sort of freeing to know that you have nothing left, but that God will still be able to do great things through this weak little body if I surrender it to him. So as I prepare and rest for my role to begin in a few days, I will wait here patiently, be still, and know that He is God.

grace and a monologue

Even though this is the fifth time that I have been working with the LIT program at camp, there are some things that never grow old. Sitting through teachings of creation and the fall year after year, some might think that this would not be so interesting anymore. But each time it is new once again. Specifically the FICS (faithfully improvising the Christian story) session on the Fall.

This is a session that hurts to sit through, but each time I do, God speaks in a new way. It is hard to even begin to think of the pain that you and I have inflicted upon one another, all of creation, and God himself. One of the great tools that FICS uses to demonstrate this, but to also show God's incredible grace, is the music video by Johnny Cash, Hurt. It is a picture of the pain and suffering that he has caused throughout his life, but there are quick images of Christ being nailed to the cross interspersed with the images of his life. Even though he has caused all this pain, and has not always put Christ at the centre, Christ was still crucified for all of us. Following this video up with the song How Deep the Fathers Love For Us, creates for a genuinely powerful, yet humbling experience.

In other reflections from recent times at camp, I have just recently (about an hour ago) just finished presenting a four page monologue from memory. I've never done anything like it before. It is a monologue presented from an angels point of view. Done on the FICS day of Jesus and the cross. The angel spoke of what God has done through Christ for us as humans. It was quite intimidating to learn and to memorize, but it was well worth it. I spent every moment of my hours off in the last week to memorize it. And as I did, God has done a good work in me as I have made these words real in my own life. It was not just a preformance, but it was a transformational experience. It was well worth the time spend memorizing. But I m now overjoyed to have my life back again and have my hours off not be spent memorizing!

here we are again

Camp is the best. We are here now!

As I write this, I am sitting on my bed at camp, all bundled up, yet still freezing. I wish July at camp would be a warmer time, but nonetheless, it remains to be the best place to be.

We are in LIT precamp right now, and it's pretty chillaxed. It seems as if it's going to be a good team of staff to serve with this summer. On saturday night all the sites at OPC had a commissioning service together. It was a great night to get focused and in the right mind set to start serving at camp. Seek first the kingdom of God. That was a major point of this service. And that is what we have got to do specifically when working at camp or in any ministry if we really want to make it through in one piece. But really, it is a necessity throughout all of life. I think that sometimes we can forget about this in out day to day life, or at least this is not the focus for us when we're back in the city living normal life. But when we're at camp specifically, to seek the kingdom of God first and to put our complete trust in him, seems to be significantly needed, wanted, and really is the only way we will be able to love and serve those in our care.

But why does it seem like seeking the kingdom of God first is easier when you're in fulltime, intensive, and draining ministry? Why is this not more of a focus when you're at home, writing papers, going to a desk job, etc? it should be. Maybe you're just ahead of me on this one, but this is a situation I am finding myself in. When I'm in a really intentional ministry situation, it seems so easy and natural to seek first the kingdom and to have the Lord as your central focus, but when I'm just at home living everyday life, it seems to be more of a push to do this. Or at least more of a push to see the need in seeking first the kingdom. It's just easier at home to live and serve on my own strength (which will most definitely fail eventually!)

These are just a few thoughts floating through my mind these past few days. It's not that I don't seek the kingdom at home, more the opposite, but my thought is that it is much more defined and specific at camp. It would be quite difficult or even impossible to keep up the strength, love, endurance, and grace needed to serve in a camp context and at the pace that it goes at, throughout the whole year(s), but camp is such a special place where God works in amazing ways in the lives of these campers and LITs. It is a privilege to serve and love these LITs, and I am really excited to see what God is going to do in their lives this summer, and how he is going to continue to transform them for the rest of their lives. Our LITs don't arrive at camp until Thursday, but I'm really excited to meet them and start this program!

I'll continue to write updates and post photos from camp as I take them.

Peace.